Questions.

Is it possible to destroy a part of you? A part of you that has been with you since the beginning? I feel that this segment of who I am may be the reason of my deepest melancholy, I think I could kill it. But I'm unsure, should I kill it? This part of me I refer to is an emotion, a mindset, an emptiness, a 'lack there of', a personality trait, there's a million other ways to describe this part of me but it's intertwined so deeply into my sense of self that it would scare me to kill it or even wound it. Would I lose a valuable part of me? would I become shallow? Would a different trait fill its place? Maybe I would become something I hate. Maybe its death would leave a gaping wound, maybe it would bring understanding.

Either way, this still comes down to the simple unavoidable obstacle that "I simply don't know the answer".

If i am to kill this part of me, I do not think I could do it solo. I have the means but I lack the nerve. If i were to hold the knife above its defenceless body, my hands would be shaking. I would need a smooth pair of hands to guide me, to show me the motion which I know so well, yet need the support of an other's heart. For my heart is in turmoil and needs another for direction.

I fear regret.